This is me being lost in the Forest of Implorable Ignorance.I haven't actually done anything in colour since... two thousand and seven.
I had forgotten how it worked.
That's why I had to cut all the bits out and stick them onto some new grass.
With lots of Sellotape.
Swimsuits
C. wants to go to France but A. already went there yesterday.
C. decides to go swimming instead.
C.'s swimsuit is back at F.'s house.
C. decides to wear X.'s t-shirt.
A. warns C. that it may get dirty as it is dragging along the ground.
A.'s swimsuit is in Estonia.
A. decides to wear F.'s swimsuit.
C. reminds A. that F. is very, very skinny.
A. is not concerned.
E. has many swimsuits because he was once an Olympic diver, unknown to A. and C.
E. thinks it may be a little odd to offer A. one of his swimsuits, as he, unlike F., is not A.'s brother.
E. is also very skinny, but not as skinny as F.
A., C. and E. go to F.'s house to collect the swimsuits.
B. is talking to F. on the phone about A. and E.'s Late Night Exploits.
B. gives C. the phone to talk to F. while she locates the swimsuits.
C. tells F. about X.'s t-shirt.
B. discovers that F. has taken all his swimsuits with him to the Great Barrier Reef.
C. and F. talk about X.'s twin brother G. who he has been trying to keep out of the country for the last eight years in fear of him seducing B.
B. does not understand this as she has already been seduced by fourteen or so other men since marrying F., largely through his own scheming, and doesn't see how one more can hurt.
This is unknown to C. who is four years old.
This is also unknown to E. who has only been in the country for three months.
B. tells A. that F. has taken all his swimsuits to the Great Barrier Reef.
B. tells F. that if he had told her this she wouldn't have had to scrabble around searching for them.
F. asks if A. has lost weight or has just become very daring with his swimsuit choices.
A. tells F. that he has become very rude in the four months that he has been researching algae.
F. says that he has actually been researching algae for seven years.
A. says that E. is a rocket scientist.
F. asks if A. and E. were practising rocket science locked in the bathroom at X., E., F., M., M. and S.'s house that morning.
A. asks how F. knows anything about that anyway.
F. says that he is very lonely on the Great Barrier Reef with nothing but a selection of swimsuits for company.
A. tries to be subtle in front of C.
F. says that C.'s Russian is limited so not to worry.
A. is unsure if E. can speak Russian as he has only known him for twelve hours.
A. becomes irritated at F.'s referral to E. as The Great Dane.
F. sings Mika songs loudly until A. gives the phone back to B.
C. suggests that A. swim nude.
A. says this is disallowed at the Parnell Baths.
B. doesn't understand why anyone would want to go swimming in April.
F. says that is because she is not from the northern hemisphere where everyone swims around with icebergs all the time.
B. says that F. has obviously not been home in a long time.
F. says that home is where the heart is.
B. asks A. if he and F. grew up swimming around with icebergs.
A. says that no-one ever swims in the Costeşti-Stînca dam so he doesn't know what F. is talking about and he must be delirious.
E. says that lots of people swim around in the icy water in Denmark.
B. asks C. why he wants to go swimming.
C. says that a quick swim will wake everyone's brain up.
F. says that so will a quick one in the bathroom.
C. says he can't see how three people could swim in a shower cubicle.
F. says he should ask his uncle.
E. asks why C. calls A. "Auntie".
B. says that it's actually Anthi and it's short for Anthon.
F. says it's because he's a woman.
B. hangs up on F. and goes to pick out a new swimsuit for A. with C. and E.
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