Margins and Errors

Oh man we have The Dress Rehearsal tomorrow, to Slice Up Our Lives.
And I'm not really sure I'm going to even get my lines right.

TE AWA I TAHUTI
Scene Two
Six months later

You get to be so familiar with your room. If you watch that crack in the corner there you might get to meet my new roommate. Daddy long legs. Lives up there with his extended family. Aha I see spiders everywhere. Aha, crawled out of the brickwork have we?

No I came through the door, twenty minutes ago.

And you can leave the same way too... The door's that way. You deaf as well as dumb?
Suit yourself. You can talk to the walls for a change. These walls... two thousand twenty one bricks. Good old bricks. I breathe, I eat, I sleep with them. They surround all my thoughts, know all my secrets, but they tell you no stories. Do you have any bricks in your house?... So where are we going today then, the seaside? Nah, let's go to the zoo, we can look at the monkeys in their cages and throw peanuts at them.

How can you waste this time. Do you think I come here to be entertained by your distress?

You said it, not me.

Well you're greatly mistaken. I've not sat here, taken your pain your anger, been made fun of then complete silence for the last week for the fun of it. I want you to know Tone, sometimes these past six months have been just as difficult for me as they've been for you. It's about time you realised that.

Oops, sorry Miss.

It isn't funny, unless you think your life's a joke which I don't believe you do.

What do you want me to do, pour my heart out to you again, like I do every week, if I'm lucky. I'm left to sort it out with the walls. Scissors go missing, total lock up, couldn't see you at all.

Is that why you're so angry with me?

I suppose you'll be off on holiday next week. Sunny Spain, Majorca, Greek Islands perhaps? It's all right right for you, you get to go home at the end of the day.

Yes.

Yeah. All I've got is my own company and my own company ain't that great. I have conversations with myself. Mind you have to be careful not to talk to myself when I walk out the door. Might be mistaken for a Muppet.

Hmmmm.

What do you mean, bloody hmmm?

Be careful- there is another world out there.

Oh, getting cosmic are we, I can't see beyond the concrete.

Toni, you are angry with me, very angry-

Hoha. I'm not angry! Let's just call it a day.

No.

Ever had to talk to walls? Do you know what it's like?

I don't make the rules. I am trying to change them. I get enough stick from the staff. They're accusing me of cracking you up with what they call this therapy nonsense. And that you're wasting my time. Toni, don't prove them right.

Pigs' assholes.

What is it Toni?

Aue, e kia e taku papa.

What does that mean?

Dad used to say that. Bloody bastards! Destroyed my poi. Gave me a room spin. Ripped it to pieces. Thought I might have drugs hidden in it. Left me sitting in the corridor. With only a towel. While they turned everything upside down. And left it in a mess.

You can make another one.

Have to sit through another boring knitting class.

I'll bring you in some wool next week.

Would you?

Yes, I'm allowed to do that.

Thanks, can you bring me black and white, four ply please.

You've not talked much about your dad. Tell me about him.

Beautiful. Proud Maori. He's a big man. Everyone knew J.K. Spoke at all the social functions. He was a Maori Elvis Presley. Always had to sing a song.

What was he like at home?

He worked full time.

Was he ever hard on you?

I don't blame him. When dad went to school it was illegal for them to speak their native tongue. Beaten out of them. They got whipped if they got caught Korero Maori. My grandmother spoke very little English. Hard like the ground. She knew the land like the back of her hand.

What did he teach you?

Did I tell you I left the gym job? Wait for it, I'm learning how to be a gardener. Pulling weeds, turning stones and shovelling crap. Said to the screw I enjoyed it. She said, "What, shovelling crap, now you know what you can do when you get out."

You understand why she said that. People will try to humiliate you in here, and out there.

Mum liked gardening. She'd spend hours talking to her plants. That garden was her sanctum. I'd sit on the back steps sucking my thumb. Watching her digging and turning the dirt. You name it, she grew it. The house was always full of big, healthy green plants and fresh flowers. She'd stand for ages with the hose, spraying everything with water.

Sanctuary.. from what?

What do you think?

I want to know what you think.

You'd do a better job than me of putting one and one together.

I'd like you to.

Well guess then.

I want you to tell me about it Toni. My daughter often gives me the silent treatment when she's angry with me. What are you thinking?

Thinking about my mum. I've got small feet like hers. She's got a head of curls, beautiful blonde curls. Always there. Used to feel sorry for her. Never talked a lot.

Why did you feel sorry for her?

She worked morning 'til night. At the end of the day we'd rub her head, brush her hair, rub her feet. She loved it until Dad came home... I'm never going to have a life like my Mum's.

And your Dad?

He mowed the lawn on Sundays. I hope we get out for work tomorrow. If and when the sun decides to make an appearance, might be able to catch a spot of suntan. Staff shortage. Five days we've been locked up. That's the trouble with being on the gardens. First ones to get locked in.

Did Dad spend much time at home?

Why do they always put me on the first table for my visits. Screws breathing down your neck. Strip-search me, everytime. My friends are straight. I'm not taking drugs, I'm trying to give the bloody things up!

Did he, Toni?

He was a busy, hardworking man.

And after work?

So he might like to go for a drink with his mates. Nothing wrong with that, is there?

What do you think?

It doesn't matter what I think.

Who told you that?

You're the professional. Work it out for yourself.

You're intelligent Toni.

You get paid for it.

As a matter of fact I don't. Come on, what do you think?

Think, think, that's all I do, think.

Tell me about it.

I've done enough talking for today.

I haven't.

Tough, I've had enough.

Well, I haven't.

Christ. I'm not surprised your daughter gives you the silent treatment. Poor girl, you're a pain in
the arse.

She says the same thing. I annoy her like sometimes she annoys me. What about your dad Toni?

What about him?

Tell me what he was really like?

I've told you.

You've given me half the picture, what about the rest?

What makes you so sure there's more to tell?

Words from your own mouth Toni.

What, when?

Do you want me to remind you?

Shut up, shut up! I suppose you lot get used to it, seen it all and heard it all before? Becomes part of the brickwork, does it?

I have to live with it too Toni. You've come so far. Don't stop now. Why do you feel it necessary to protect your father?

Always right aren't ya? You wouldn't listen. The right to do anything. Prince Charming to the public, what did we get, pigs' bloody arseholes. You never practised what you preached. Who gave you the right to treat us like crap?

It's all right Toni. You're safe with me. You can say whatever you like. No-one's going to hurt you.

I couldn't please him.

What would please him?

The local pub. Spent most of his time in there. Spent all his money on the horses. Couldn't be bothered with us. Home was just a bed where he'd eat and crap. He was always good to his mates. Ah, what's the use, it's too late.

No it's not too late. It is for Frankie but it's not too late for you Toni. You have a future.

One of the few nights Mum went out with him. A rugby social. They came home late. Dad was drunk, shouting at her. There was a ladder in the hallway. It crashed. Mum wasn't there in the morning. No porridge on the table. I knew something wrong. I went into their bedroom. Mum was there, sitting up in bed. All her head was wrapped up in big white bandages. She told me to go away. After a night of violence, in the morning everything would be just fine. No idea of what he was like the night before. Black-outs I suppose. Wake up as if nothing had happened, bright and cheerful. I couldn't figure out what was right or wrong, good or bad. Ah, he said I'd never get anywhere. I guess he was right.

No, he wasn't, Toni. You're a qualified nurse. The only Maori in a class of 66. For four years you worked as a nurse. Caring for people, helping them. Saving their lives. That's an honourable achievement.

Oh yeah, the clever one, educated professional. So what? The world was my oyster, look at where I've ended up.

It could happen to any of us Toni. It doesn't mean you have to give up. It's not the end.

I should have known better.

You've been punished enough. Don't go on punishing yourself.

I was coping fine until you started all this.

I understand how painful it is for you to look at these things. You've been in touch with a lot of feelings. Pain you've blocked out. It's important that you understand why you feel the way you do. Why you became addicted to heroin. Why you couldn't stop, even when you wanted to.

I didn't set out to become addicted.

I don't think most addicts do.

How? How could I go from being responsible for the lives of forty children to plunging a syringe full of blood into my arm for the tenth time, trying to get a hit? How could I do that to myself?

That's something you and I will go on finding out together. It's not going to be easy. It's going to take work, more hard work.

What if I don't want to go on with all of this?

Correct me if I'm wrong. Twice you went into a Detox Centre. Six times, I think you said, you went away on holiday to get clean. Did you stay off? You've tried it on your own.

Why should you care?

Why shouldn't I?

I don't know if I want to, I don't know if I can.

You can, if you want to. We're going to go on working together, but at the end of the day it's your choice.

All right then. As long as I don't have to sign for it- By the way, does this work agreement continue to include filter cigarettes?

You know I don't smoke.

I had noticed.

I'll think about it.

You know, you're all right.

Thanks.

Cost ya, one Dunhill. Luxury length.

-

Yes.
The show's on Facebook now.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=62120994494&ref=nf.
You can see Katie's comment.
Haha.
Wouldn't it be lovely?
Oh wait, it's been deleted.
That damn Arthur! He doesn't even come to the school anymore, the selfish twat, who is he to post an advertisement on Facebook and then say that the lame-o show isn't cancelled.
What a twattitytwat.
Yes.